When I walk down the street, people look as if they always have somewhere to be - they're running and running, in a hurry, a blank gaze fixed only on their path. I wonder if they're running to something but I see their face, and it's contorted in one way or another, it's one of fear, pain. Then I realize, the running is their way of numbing the fear and pain, they don't realize they're only running away from life, the only one they have.
Livin with the sun on my back and my eyes on the stars
Wednesday, 15 September 2010
Nothing is worse than poisoning your own heart and mind - jealousy.
I've been doing really well in school. I'm feeling great about it and have big goals for the semester, academically, and life's going well. Things could always be better no duh, but I'm learning to appreciate the little things, and things for what they are and not what they should be, something very that I'm not used to. I'm more relaxed and able to focus better, everything taste better, looks better, sounds better, feels better haha, oh, and semlls better lol, it's life at its peak (one of them :] ). It feels like it's going to be a good year. What else can I say, there is crap that suck lol, but It'll pass (finally get what that means). Sigh :)
Day after day I experience and endure conflict within myself, a battle over my mind and war over my soul. I choose not to believe everything I'm shown and everything I'm told, not to be satisfied with a statement without explanation, I choose to see and hear, to constantly make and remake my OWN beliefs. This has come at a cost but I don't regret sacrificing what I have, and yet more if necessary, because what I'm getting in return is I believe that and far more. I don't want it to be me AND my beliefs, I don't want to believe an hour out of the day,a day out of the week, a month out year, when it's most convenient or when I have to. I want to BE my beliefs and my beliefs to be me. I know how the world works now and come to terms with it, but now I'm deciding how I want to live in it.
What I take most solace in is that my thoughts are my own and no one can take them away because no one can take my soul. That's belief.
Friday, 25 June 2010
Last night I had a dream; it brought back thoughts about death and dying.
I hadn't thought much about death, not in a while. The last time I really reflected about it must have been a year or couple of years ago, but in this dream I've been having I always die by the end of it. Last night was different. The way it goes is that there's this whole chase scene and at the end theres a bomb. We try to disarm it but it doesn't work. I die. But last night, there was something different about it. I was engulfed in a bright flame, it turning from orange, to yellow to white. I didn't wake up this time. I held on so I wouldn't wake up, I wanted to know what it was like, dying, and the afterlife if there was one. I didn't wake up because I was already awake. I slowly opened my eyes just to find I was laying on my bed. This was the afterlife. It really got me thinking...What if there really is an afterlife? What would it be like?
Death isn't something to fear, nor what is beyond death.
Today's my friend's birthday. It's supposed to be sunny, in the mid-eighties, w/ clear skies tonight. A good day. Happy birthday Ance : )
